Brené Brown said, "For forgiveness to happen, something must die."
And she's right. Today, I am somewhere in the middle. No matter if you are the one leaving or you are being left, the end of a marriage is like a death. The pain is unbearable. For anyone to say that it isn't, is lying.
I was the one that asked for the divorce. You would think that I was high on the horse saying, "Giddy up!". While that might be true in the beginning, in the deep of the night, I grieved. Not for him but for our family. I knew the kids and I would be okay. I'm a survivor, a fighter and I will never backdown from a fight. But I still grieved for the family that once was. No matter how screwed up the marriage was, I cried. Funny thing, this didn't happen after he moved out. It was a year after he moved out. January 2012, I think I cried for the entire month. Best month cry I ever had. I had to grieve before I could move forward.
Today, I have moved well past the grieving portion of the divorce and am working on forgiveness. In a tiny corner of my heart, I do forgive him. I'm not saying that I have fully forgiven him. But it's something I work on. I truly believe, forgiveness is easier than staying angry. This does not mean I will be his friend in the near future. You cannot and should not let someone in your life that is toxic. I am saying that in my heart and the words I speak to myself, I forgive him....partially. It's a huge process and it's not easy. But forgiving him means that I have to forgive myself.
So that is where I am. I've dealt with the death and I am working on the forgiveness. Do you forgive your X? Did you deal with the death of your marriage? What did you do and what do you do?
Hugs to you.