I wonder if you lie awake at night thinking about how the kids will eat today. I wonder if you get lost in thought while sitting in traffic thinking if the kids have a warm place to sleep at night. I wonder if you ever stop to think if the kids have a warm jacket during the colder weather.
I doubt it.
Your thoughts are too consumed with, "How can I get back at her for leaving?". Your thoughts are filled with, "What can I get away with?". You lie awake thinking of things to try to hurt me but in the end, it only hurts the children.
How do I know this to be true? You are transparent. You can't help how you are.
You see, to be a father, you have to be present. To show up, to do everything in your power to ensure that the kids are well-taken care of just as your parents took care of you. To support them. You have failed them thus far as a father. This is not mean spirited. This is your wake up call.
There are times I wish we could be friends. If we were, I would tell you that you are seriously screwing up. I would tell you need to take a long, hard look at yourself and change a pile of things because, if not, you're going to lose your kids. They will leave you. In fact, one already has. He couldn't take it anymore. I feel for him because I left too. I walked away because I couldn't take it any longer. Does she have to leave you as well before you decide to wake up? As your friend, I would tell you to seek professional help. I would beg to speak with the therapist to give them my perspective. To tell them what it is really like to live with a narcissist. Because you can't see yourself - you never have. Nothing is ever your fault, you are to blame for nothing. Stop making excuses and change who you are for the sake of your children. Take care of them. Pay child support to support them. Show up. Do everything in your power to ensure their safety. Because in the end, you will only have yourself and it will be a very lonely place.